belated i.

When you have not the patience to listen

When the expansion of fat over skin

Lengthens days like morning into night

And you wait for the response

That’s ever fervent

And you can’t decide what’s wrong from right

Whether to make a move or to stand still

This is why I am at the impasse

All the ever-hovering doubts increase

And I just can’t seem to get a grip

Others face bigger issues

Let me come to terms with me not being

Able to control it

Let me pray for strength when I lack it

Pray for patience when I can’t seem to get a break

Give me perseverance in the midst of temptation

And to hold my tongue when

All I want to do is spew words, thoughtless

Let me be more steady and confident

As your will resides

Let me be selfless not my will

Not that hero

Not the scholar who wants to be seen and respected by others

In silence

In the shadows

In the despicable sense of me

Let it not be noticed

Let my presence barely be

But a shadow here

And fleeting

03/23/16

nuances

I want to see the beautiful again

To see the speckled shades of freckles on her face

Notice the lilt and nuance of her voice,

That ranges from a land not native to her birthplace.

 

I don’t want to waste your time, and in essence,

Not waste mine either, but

Saving face is an age-old brand of propriety –

It’s lying through bated breath,

Hampered smiles that hesitated to tell

Truth under duress –

When duress easily affects my being,

I wonder why I allow it to be so.

 

Why not be the maniacal voice,

Yelling, a frenetic, hollowed

Question statement that ends on a shriek.

Why not be the unpredictable Jane,

The one who claims not ignorance,

But sheer knowledge

And is unafraid of acknowledging that

Improper knowledge which others make light of,

 

joke about – c’mon, this life can be lived

With shields that spend

Most of their time raised and wavering –

Bending to pressure

The force of which is wholesome

But keeps the barrier translucent

And open to everything.

03/23/16