To C.

For those unappreciative moments of silence,

In the reverberant movement unceasing,

In the restlessness of lights flickering,

In the drop of the beat where I forgot my own name,

There your presence was,

Lingering past the scent on sheets,

Past the strangers I walked by,

In that instance I wished for you there,

In each lollygagging tongue and tail that waggled past,

In the broken promise of nights reveled,

In the absence of hilarious memories,

Or the light-hearted moments we used to know to share so well;

In these moments I miss you;

In these moments I realize how unappreciative I was;

In the lack of patrons,

And chairs that should fill a café that would make Starbucks proud,

I take for granted the presence

The pressure and heat and length of you by my side.

I lost that;

And here I am,

Albeit enjoying the rustling wisps of air throughout,

Watching the to and fro front pressure of a car inching in its respective seat,

Watching people amble while vaping in Houston places entirely;

There you used to be.

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Author: gerbilette

Write, edit, be. Write, love, poetry.

2 thoughts on “To C.”

  1. I’m a little ball of quiet chaos
    with all my little conflicting emotions
    I’m exhausted
    I’m excited
    I’m energized
    I’m lethargic
    I’m hopeful
    I’m afraid
    so afraid
    I’m lustful
    I’m hesitant
    I’m optimistic
    I’m cynical
    I’m enthusiastic
    I’m bored

    I want to close the gap
    but I want to put up walls
    because
    it’s just so natural for me
    it feels so safe

    but the difference between a fortress
    and a prison
    is perspective
    And my wall-building skills
    have caused me nothing
    but painful isolation

    It’s hard for me to see
    which parts of this is me
    and which parts are the avalanche
    smothering me in cold
    numbness

    I want so badly for
    everything to just
    work out. And
    I can’t tell if I’m just
    lazy or stupid or incompetent
    when things don’t

    but I’ve been scraping at the snow
    desperate to try to feel the sun
    again
    for what feels like the first time
    And lately things have been
    looking up
    though I can only feel which way up is
    by the sinking of my stomach

    it’s not just us
    i’ve been reaching out
    sending smoke signals
    these new opportunities
    that some would scoff at
    are like a lifeline

    or a spider’s silken thread
    dropped down into my underworld

    I want this to work
    I want to try
    to put my everything
    into something
    meaningful
    Meaningful to me,
    and meaningful to the one
    I care about, you

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