of sea urchins, card games (Posoidos, Blackjack, Old Maid), and relationships.

I wonder if
You can prolong nothingness
What is there
For you to gain?

Is there
A smidgen of happiness that crosses your face
Lightest, imperceptible smirk that comes with
A drunken, hastily mistyped
Message that can easily be erased?

I don’t want to be
(that dramatic, off-kilter)
cause of any misery,
Or rather any unpleasant memory
A grudge or disturbed feeling
Because of the constant,
Ever-present, not quite drudgery,
But reminder
Poking at the ramparts
Of barbs meant
To keep at a distance the fondness
The togetherness we had
Not to have once again.

I slip into the jargon,
Your slang,
That’s integrated itself curiously into my speech,
You’ve become a part of me
In ways I hadn’t comprehended
Or imagined initially.
I sometimes want to say goodbye
Because I feel it would give you reprieve,
Then again another part selfishly wants
Action from your side to me.

I’m not 12 anymore,
Although confusion and mindgames
And uneasiness and low self-esteem
Are readily used playing cards
When it comes to self-defeat.

Maybe that’s it:
I was over-confident in meeting you,
Never anticipating I could take a hit.

We’re pairing off the good ones now,
Lessening chances of survival,
I guess it’s just
Me over-thinking again?
But the text dwindles and
Motivation to initiate
Puts me at a pause,
Is it your hand or mine
That holds the card
To end this game
Or begin anew again?

07/12/16

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Author: gerbilette

Write, edit, be. Write, love, poetry.

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