Nothingness

It’s all emotionless.

Tight curls of hair

To powerfully curved hips –

Laying there,

I stared at empty space

Wondering why I thought I wanted this

Because I wanted to stop.

 

Closeness meant nothing

Lips licking, rubbing against mine meant nothing,

Your chin smelled like sex,

So I nuzzled it – nothing

Being overridden, supposedly arousing, wasn’t

That dull pain made me backtrack

 

A stranger’s hands turned me over

Tried too hard to consume me

While I wondered why I felt absolutely nothing

What an emotional misfit.

 

As a blue light peered a time

In an all-together pitch black room

I wanted it to be over with soon;

To put my hand in yours was a mistake,

To give into lust and that charring taste

like ashen floors.

 

My mouth sweeping up the dust

Hoping to come up with more

Tears dropping of their own accord,

I realized again

I don’t want this

Why did I ever think I wanted this;

I hate it.

 

Don’t want to do this again,

And broken down, kneeling

Wanting to feel anything

Through a sultry, darkened,

Upturned face

If there was the barest connection

Not friendship

Not even a tenuous lust

With a thread so thin, liable to break.

 

Because of my recklessness and

A purported lover’s trust –

His body was beautiful

But meant nothing.

 

 

Only completion.

And it was half-hearted

Half-exerted effort.

When you try to make the most of anything

It’s pity sex and I

Had told myself before

No more

No such thing

My mouth and mind spring lies

I all too well end up eating.

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Author: gerbilette

Write, edit, be. Write, love, poetry.

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