Do you think I could be silent for a while

Exist in the non-existence

That unsurety

Which the world castigates as




Well, why can’t I get lost in the nothingness,

Subdue the essence of me

Until it’s hidden in other things,

Other people,

Other interests,

Other personality traits.

Until I’m fracturing off,


Facing off the non-existent

Windshield wash

Translucent spot

Where I used to be.




Help me to not hold resentment like the back of my tongue

Help me not to hold years-long grudges,

That awkwardness that subverts any sort of relationship

From developing along;

Maybe some things aren’t to pan out

And really,

That’s okay

Maybe suspended bridges

Are how things are to stay

Help me to accept the

Unacceptable –

These almost-seeming

Irrevocable patterns

Of friendships,


Family friends

Who’ve drifted away.


new perspective (mature language)

Don’t you all want a calculated response

A lithe body to play desires upon


And I guess I’m guilty of the same damn thing

Express the stress

Pent up within

Release demons

From whence they came


I wish, oh I wish

That I could,

With you

But to do so

Would simply be

To execute

And annihilate myself

Again and again


And I guess that’s what

All the holding onto is for

I guess I like to collect men

Just as trophies

Or friends

Or weird acquaintance types that I used to fuck


Mostly, it’s awkward,

But we all get by

With low self-esteem

And feeling as selfish as fuck

And realizing sometimes

Life is exhausting

Keeping up with



So as to appear the norm

When the easiest, most basest

Slate is carnality

The sin can be cleansing

When it’s all you’re bathing in


And so I’ll drown again

I’ll ponder and wish

And numb and find a frothy

Null and void emptiness

Which cleanses

As much as it

Removes the sanity

Non-existent, within it.