i will not come to you anymore
biting, scatching, burning
nuzzling, huggling in imitations
of a face
i wanted to know
but hardly, truly knew
and i know this is rattled out on a Sunday morning
and my emotions cave
like a porous clanging
amorous teeming with
i can’t deal with me,
gets me by,
but there are bigger things at stake
friendship teetering on scales
and background singers
whose sail of vibrato
is the only thread connecting me to reality.
i sometimes get sad at the slightest thing,
because all you wanted to do is protect me;
and if i could,
the self-destructive button would be pressed immediately
to rapidly turn around
when scorned, refused
i am tired
of wanting myself to be used
constantly crawling back
in lieu of friendship, the things we lack
the problem is
we’re not that for each other
so let me face this fact.
To want to be touched and loved by
Is that how we operate?
You like how I feel against your skin, heart, face
And I, I think and see a being worthwhile
in someone broken and forlorn.
Is it just me torn?
Or do we entirely operate unaware?
I do like the stare and heat
it’s your eyes on me and hands
that make do –
how they shape and form my mismatched attitudes
how to deal
when the deal is we like comfort
and sex is one other most perfect heady brew but you
stir and bring out a rise in me
i’m always like swift with poetical lyrics
a song in mind.
Tim you are, one helluva guy.
It’s to your smiles, laughs, and those Yaaaaaas’s
Expressions that make me smile
To your genuine curiosity
wanting to better yourself and to living your life
it’s to those moments i thought I’d be done
writing you a line
But all I have is words and colors that you told me
that you liked
no matter where you, we,
find ourselves in time –
I’ll wish you the utmost best
to being one helluva guy.
I wanted you to contact me, You did. I wanted to feel you beside me, Reminisce. It's a slow tilt-a-whirl, Emotions colouring a carousel Memories faded and textures receeding Yet when I got that glimpse of you All I had pushed away, Vainly seeking And painstakingly veering Away, Your frame and figure In stark relief against That Vegas theme I paused and could only freeze- I missed you next to me. I wish complications, mental Emotional or otherwise, could cease. But that chokehold spoke Eyes locked and whether to boldly go Make any move towards or against You, I couldn't. How could I dare When I instituted this freeze of words I make boundaries that can't withstand The slightest direction of wind How I could've gone for a while Ignoring the shape and style Of you. Yet your gaze Had me paused On what to do. So I looked down, away Avoidance tactics in place Limbs frazzling Until a bud pulled me aside Until Mario Kart and dueling sets Put me close to your space And for all the tenseness in the world From San Antonio Aquariums, to being shat on by colorful birds, And Chopsticks themed chaufers And to accidentally attacking somebody - You came by the by There was a glimpse of you And that hi Until I could breathe easier again. I wasn't aware my breath had caught Or that I was tense or lost That coming to and going away from Waves and oceans And water connotations Of emotionality And how we are not. Set in stone, Life is never Exactly how we set it. 5-year plans do have their limits And caveats. I'm smiling, and tense Tired and a bit rent From everything. Birthdays and partying Sleep deprivation calls to me Like you had hearkened to me From long ago. It is not "Girls Love Beyonce" on replay though It is learning to listen to life Without headphones. 09/05/17