i’ve found out that i’m really no one.

The original

The hardest reality

Was realizing I couldn’t be with you;

That you have more than a lot on your plate

And that I am someone who passed by in haste.

I liked the nuance and danger of someone new,

The heightening appeal that lust was this hunger insatiable

Even as it tore me,

And dragged me to places,

Parking lot spaces and to dating apps where hook ups were really child’s play –

Somehow our spotty connection and offers of comfort –

Was yours still good to take?

I don’t regret that night, yet

I regret how I used you,

But to be fair

We had our own share of using, too.

We each have our own difficulties,

And I’m not saying we need to have to come to

Some solid meeting,

But I was in this fairytale haze –

Of how I saw you and me.

Like, we could coexist in this particle of peace.

If I just separate from the world and its problems,

To commitments made

And how actions bled into other things –

Is it I who comfort you momentarily

Or you, me?

Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that

past my poems,

Past your songs,

Past that line we crossed we’re just people drifting?

I saw reality so hard to only want to break free from it.

 

Your sentiment hit me so palpably

I was tingling and dizzy and numb from it –

And the clarity of mint lemonade,

5:36 am convos with the bud

Could only wake me from it.

 

I am not mine

You are not yours

 

We are not made of make ups

Break ups and emotional overhauls, galore

And you are not that night we spent together

I am not that idea you had from forever

 

We are people, independent and more than free to exist

You are

I am

–we are, who we, we ourselves are.

 

I am not yours

And you are not mine, so

Here’s to flip-flopping

And your eyes that bore and darted from mine.

 

May your heart roam free, unhindered, alive.

And I’ll endeavor to do the same in time.

08/16/17

rescue me.

I’ve got a nervous habit

Where I think too much

I get lost in guys

And I feel like I lose Your Love

 

I got my weakness in thought,

Vices, lack sleep and such

But hold onto me, hold onto me –

You’ll never leave,

You’ll never leave.

 

I put faith and feeling in guys I don’t know

It takes my mind off things,

But there’s no room to grow.

When you’re stifled by self and indecision in tow,

 

Could you rescue me, from the self in me?

07.09.17

dramatic monologue #1

Here’s a drabble from an antagonist’s mind when I was reading a story off of fictionpress. At least, I think that’s where I based these thoughts. https://www.fictionpress.com/s/1908130/1/Interrogame Unfortunately, the story was removed due to plagiarism, but there’s a partial story up.

I’m not desperate, I swear, I just want another reason, instead of believing like some of you do. I’m closing up; stop staring, nothing’s wrong; it’s just you. You must love watching boring things, aren’t I right? Do you?

Whatever, you’re wasting your time. I’m not artwork on display; I’m not to be observed, why do you keep gazing, AM I THAT INTERESTING TO LOOK AT? What’s wrong, stop saying its me; I’m tired of you lying, being skeptical about things. I’m increasing my sanity, you’re the cause of my problems, although my problems aren’t that strong.

I’m creating a blockade in my mind; this spacious room, so white, I can picture these screams. Then all of these flowers try to kill me, blinding me, blurry ashes of red, all so satisfying, something’s feeding my need. Tempting me; I start to crave for earlier feelings, wanting other things abnormal to my theme.

A new color scheme sets over my mind, all I hear or see is gyrating heat; I only have these inner needs, I want to…There it goes again, I can’t grasp the entity. The ‘not’ to my identity, I, personally think this is a curse, an outside from my in. I love the insecure feelings, I hear the insides of their feeble minds, bent on lust, the modern feeling of humanity. Their being, so weak, they only act on a whim. The perfect prey for my self-induced pain; one won’t notice another missing, answers to the devil himself. Let’s begin the game.