When you realize your incompetence as a person

Is made of your inability to dream
You acquiesce to lesser things

But I tell you, dream.
Dream on with a fierceness that
Drives every impulse,
Motive,
Fiber and action potential of your being.
01/24/17

V.

I thought I had control

He and I talked up once again

And blinded by apathy or sin

I didn’t mind, initially,

The frenetic way I engaged

With him

I thought I had control

 

Apparently I’m not one to learn from mistakes

No matter where I’ve been

Houston, San Antonio,

Online rooms,

Apparently I’m not one to learn from my mistakes

 

No matter where I’ve been.

 

Now I write this out,

The nth poem

Hashing things out

A grandeur release

A climax always pre-deceased

As I write this out.

 

My body for a while

I saw a ragdoll,

An enticing thing to perform

Not one sacred, not part of a soul

Or if it was, allow it to be

Destroyed, not caring to salvage anymore

That was my body for a while

 

And a time I realized

Why not enjoy the sights

Of your face, shoulders, chest existence

In my space

Why not take you in

I longed for your sighs

A face pressed into pillow, entangled in sheets

A comfort, a warmth, an understanding being

I longed for your sighs

 

I loved to tease you too;

Bring us both to brinks,

Irk and ruffle blanket sheets

I loved to tease you too

 

I always seem to come back

You’re a habit, I break

But cannot crack

Do I know you

Do you know me

I always seem to come back.

III.

A man I found online

On a site notorious for sleaze

Along with selling and giving away things

A man I found online

 

There was a friend who knew

Of my heartbreak, with you

He was sympathetic, but he cared too

There was a friend who knew

 

He had a knack for stories

And decided to write me in,

Intertwined, I had a choice

I succumbed, then; this man that

Had a knack for stories

 

In between this all

Our flow was quite stalled

By my actions as of late

I couldn’t, wouldn’t dare reveal them

In between us, this all

 

How will I know?

If you’re thinking of me

This is vanity’s most finest moment

Pining for someone who

You pushed away purposefully

 

So it was then, a man

I knew from living in

He had an exotic view, EDM

I knew him from the

Room that I lived in

 

And thereon it was hard to deal

With the face in the mirror

With the strangers I forayed

Into the darkness with

Excitement, frightening tremors

Heightening it

 

Lips that quested for mine

Strangers that pushed desire

And the way I curiously poured my interest in

These lips that quested for mine