I should let a lot of things go.

I should let a lot of things go

And I’m trying

Though not with full force in tow

 

But I need to let you alone

I need to leave you be

Like, literally

 

Someone, please teach me

How to accept

Let things be done

Note: Not to attach self

When the cards have

Lasted their turn

 

I’m the only one agonizing here,

At least,

I think so

 

I want to find a peace

That accepts

What can’t be accepted fully.

07/12/17

of belated skype conversations and response poetry.

heartaches and heartbreaks
at 12:58 am
it’s reading your poem
it’s reading your response
that i’m left bereft.

i ought to leave you be
i said i would close the chapter on this meeting
and yet here i am
with unravelled plans
and no sense of where to go, exceeding

07.04.17

the challenging.

I want to live so authentically

And bleed

I want to experience hunger pangs

Feel that sweat streaming

I want to realize that this life isn’t about me.

 

Constant pronouns

Constant incessant advertisements on who we’re meant to be.

I am not me.

I am not who you make of me.

Your projections, recitations of “oh you’d make…”

I let things reach me too easily.

I let that guard down because I can foolishly trust

Or I don’t know how to take a grain of salt where I ought to,

Must.

 

I thought I find life worthwhile in serving.

Like, my life has no worth other than in serving others.

That’s where I think,

There’s anything of worth –

But like I’d ask in psychology classes

Isn’t altruism just a selfish way of saying,

Hey I do good, ‘cause it makes me feel good;

How about when it doesn’t?

When it pushes that uncomfortable envelope

When you work past barriers of your own strictures

When you traverse lands, when you traverse grudges

To forgiveness.

 

It’s hard, to let go.

It’s hard to reframe your mind and try to re-see

What your viewpoint of life has been, so readily.

 

To learn to love

In sense of being.

06/27/17

T.L.C.

the way you talk

the way you groove

 

i was beyond belief

that moment

you told me

 

i miss you so dearly

the weight of your skin

as it presses upon me

bringing too much with it

 

let me take the time

to memorize

this snippet in time

that’ll be gone

the moment you realize

this isn’t for you

it isn’t for me

but in this instance

 

we can be free.

5.09.17

I think I felt bad to leave you be

Remnants of a relationship

Of closeness

That were fleeting

But expansive in meaning

 

Of conversations that long

Flowed

They were verbose

But demanded a stringent silliness

In being

 

I will have a memory of you with me

How long in repose

In what cryogenic stasis

Will it sleep

When will it thaw to beating

 

No one knows.

 

I will have a memory of you with me

How long it’ll stay

In a debatable existence

Shaky foundations keep

Will we go on, stagnant yet fleeing?

5.14.17