i’ve found out that i’m really no one.

The original

The hardest reality

Was realizing I couldn’t be with you;

That you have more than a lot on your plate

And that I am someone who passed by in haste.

I liked the nuance and danger of someone new,

The heightening appeal that lust was this hunger insatiable

Even as it tore me,

And dragged me to places,

Parking lot spaces and to dating apps where hook ups were really child’s play –

Somehow our spotty connection and offers of comfort –

Was yours still good to take?

I don’t regret that night, yet

I regret how I used you,

But to be fair

We had our own share of using, too.

We each have our own difficulties,

And I’m not saying we need to have to come to

Some solid meeting,

But I was in this fairytale haze –

Of how I saw you and me.

Like, we could coexist in this particle of peace.

If I just separate from the world and its problems,

To commitments made

And how actions bled into other things –

Is it I who comfort you momentarily

Or you, me?

Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that

past my poems,

Past your songs,

Past that line we crossed we’re just people drifting?

I saw reality so hard to only want to break free from it.

 

Your sentiment hit me so palpably

I was tingling and dizzy and numb from it –

And the clarity of mint lemonade,

5:36 am convos with the bud

Could only wake me from it.

 

I am not mine

You are not yours

 

We are not made of make ups

Break ups and emotional overhauls, galore

And you are not that night we spent together

I am not that idea you had from forever

 

We are people, independent and more than free to exist

You are

I am

–we are, who we, we ourselves are.

 

I am not yours

And you are not mine, so

Here’s to flip-flopping

And your eyes that bore and darted from mine.

 

May your heart roam free, unhindered, alive.

And I’ll endeavor to do the same in time.

08/16/17

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hold onto me.

We both like comfort

We met halfway

But we have our problems

So neither will want to stay

Because to stay long enough

Would mean we’d dive too deep

But I still want you to hold

Onto me, hold onto me

 

You’re a drifter

I’m a dreamer

We have these differing ideals

Except when in close proximity

Your covers are mine to half-heartedly steal

 

Still we’d long to cling like

Vines to trees

So hold onto me, hold

Onto me

 

You say if we get close and dive too deep

You’d be devastated if I’d hate you –

And leave

So you stay away

And I understand that wish to avoid the pain –

 

Could you comfort me anyways?

 

Like bright eyes would croon in a voice strangled speak:

If you love something set it free.

07/12/17

Glass of wine (take it easy)

Shouldn’t take life that seriously

Who lives it to their fullest?

Can’t we live half-hearted?

 

I lie.

 

 I’ve been living half-mast

For a good time already

Because I was deeply afraid

Of making a single mistake

 

So let me be utter folly

And tumble, fumble

Decisions on a whim

For each, a glass of wine.

 

Something old, something new, and something blue.

Heya, so this will be a longer post, but given the fact that I haven’t posted since April 2014, an update is needed. I’m going to be more active on this blog, as in, one post every day for 365 days. It’ll be a mix of old and new poetry, along with some daily ramblings. Enjoy! (Or suffer, your choice.)

An Old Poem

Hips in position, labored breathing in and out;

don’t know why I didn’t listen at all,

and imagined it would go away while in

ecstasy.

Surrounded by sheetless white, laying there –

you’ve been on my mind.

I couldn’t wait until the end of day,

didn’t care if the Sun himself would disturb our play.

Afterwards, we spoke of trivial things,

neither wanting to go home alone.

My bed’s been preoccupied for this whole time,

and looking back, I realize far too late –

you were the one for me.

 

Inspired by Adele’s “Hello”

Hello

How has it been

Since we’ve spoken

Events passed until

We met again

 

Unbidden

 

We shared aspirations

Between us

And with a handshake

Began our year of posts

365 days

And all we’ve got is time.

 

Something Blue:

Until tomorrow.

-TQ