Wish I Knew You (Then)

Comment and Sound

tenuous threads of friendship
can we experiment?
see what you really mean
it’s the swingtime beat
of this
hormonal dance
rhythm we’re singing to
it’s a risque type of freedom
cheers to: belated expression of infatuation
perchance drunken expressions
accidentally made
but it’s the lingering feeling of
perhaps being held on to
listened to
in the form and face
of someone new
someone who listened who
doesn’t take judgment at face-value
i suppose he was gorgeous like that
somewhat in looks
lacking in work ethics but rather
adorable in other aspects
i figured
what those comments meant
and ruminated on
what passing glances
awkwardly stifled chances
of exhaled breath
it’s amusing
looking back now
what the questing, probing statements
the back and forth
completion of various lyrics
and transfer of likes and dislikes abound…
i had a marked preference
for you, sir
when you were and weren’t around
i sense you in the phrases “silly”
and your fuzzy hair
so messily shagged around
but it was in the difference of ages
of interests in life
in where we were going individually
which made me stand my ground
to your destructible swaying
of comment and sound
i figured in a way
if things are meant to be
they will, in time play
the reel of life’s moments unendingly
out.
but not here, and not now.
so i wish the
utmost sincere
to our back and forth diatribe
to your mannerism of cupping a face like;
such a fragile element of nature here
to nights of Wingstop
laughter and horror movie
wheels those hours
spent up late
chatting on idle news
but over interests in music
and one another
— i suppose
kept our imaginations freed, fueled, awake.
Cheers, to you

comments and sound

in all that
          imprinted
          makes
itself present in you,
and please bless him Lord,
for I believe he needs you. Amen.
08/25/13

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of sea urchins, card games (Posoidos, Blackjack, Old Maid), and relationships.

I wonder if
You can prolong nothingness
What is there
For you to gain?

Is there
A smidgen of happiness that crosses your face
Lightest, imperceptible smirk that comes with
A drunken, hastily mistyped
Message that can easily be erased?

I don’t want to be
(that dramatic, off-kilter)
cause of any misery,
Or rather any unpleasant memory
A grudge or disturbed feeling
Because of the constant,
Ever-present, not quite drudgery,
But reminder
Poking at the ramparts
Of barbs meant
To keep at a distance the fondness
The togetherness we had
Not to have once again.

I slip into the jargon,
Your slang,
That’s integrated itself curiously into my speech,
You’ve become a part of me
In ways I hadn’t comprehended
Or imagined initially.
I sometimes want to say goodbye
Because I feel it would give you reprieve,
Then again another part selfishly wants
Action from your side to me.

I’m not 12 anymore,
Although confusion and mindgames
And uneasiness and low self-esteem
Are readily used playing cards
When it comes to self-defeat.

Maybe that’s it:
I was over-confident in meeting you,
Never anticipating I could take a hit.

We’re pairing off the good ones now,
Lessening chances of survival,
I guess it’s just
Me over-thinking again?
But the text dwindles and
Motivation to initiate
Puts me at a pause,
Is it your hand or mine
That holds the card
To end this game
Or begin anew again?

07/12/16

“it’s nothing but honestly”

“It’s nothing but honestly”

The room seemed steady
Your eyes, they weighed me down
I just internally knew best
That it would’ve been better
If I hadn’t come round

But I couldn’t help
And stare at you
Yet your eyes were transfixed
On something else better to do

Words that clung to the back of my throat
My visage appearing
Was just a hoax

It’ll be the day
When I finally break free
Admitting words I’d always wanted to say
Instead of being hesitant and weak

There were those times
In the silence so bleak
When I spoke the most strangled of words;
Yet I was glad you heard my garbled speech

I think it was your eyes,
They defiantly held their ground;
Entranced as I was,
I had to look down.

Even if the feelings fade
And I know that I’ll be
Better off that way

I’m blessed to have met you,
Content to stay away,
Because if I truly pursued you,
I know I wouldn’t wait

So what makes me write
This poem of you
Inspiration – is always bubbling,
With the right muse
Sometimes I can’t comprehend,
What makes me feel guilty when you glare,
Or so giddy with your slightest of grins
Maybe you put me in the most jubilant of airs

Twinkle of the eye,
Upturn of the lips,
Or the chuckle that spills,
So wonderfully from your lips

We speak the least,
Greet each other even less,
But I don’t mind
Seeing you compensates
For the rest

Something about you,
Makes me want to draw you to me,
But I know if captured,
You wouldn’t be the same
If anything, unhappy