The hardest reality
Was realizing I couldn’t be with you;
That you have more than a lot on your plate
And that I am someone who passed by in haste.
I liked the nuance and danger of someone new,
The heightening appeal that lust was this hunger insatiable
Even as it tore me,
And dragged me to places,
Parking lot spaces and to dating apps where hook ups were really child’s play –
Somehow our spotty connection and offers of comfort –
Was yours still good to take?
I don’t regret that night, yet
I regret how I used you,
But to be fair
We had our own share of using, too.
We each have our own difficulties,
And I’m not saying we need to have to come to
Some solid meeting,
But I was in this fairytale haze –
Of how I saw you and me.
Like, we could coexist in this particle of peace.
If I just separate from the world and its problems,
To commitments made
And how actions bled into other things –
Is it I who comfort you momentarily
Or you, me?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that
past my poems,
Past your songs,
Past that line we crossed we’re just people drifting?
I saw reality so hard to only want to break free from it.
Your sentiment hit me so palpably
I was tingling and dizzy and numb from it –
And the clarity of mint lemonade,
5:36 am convos with the bud
Could only wake me from it.
I am not mine
You are not yours
We are not made of make ups
Break ups and emotional overhauls, galore
And you are not that night we spent together
I am not that idea you had from forever
We are people, independent and more than free to exist
–we are, who we, we ourselves are.
I am not yours
And you are not mine, so
Here’s to flip-flopping
And your eyes that bore and darted from mine.
May your heart roam free, unhindered, alive.
And I’ll endeavor to do the same in time.